Radiator

It started small enough. Just an occasional dripping sound every now and then. At first I thought it was coming from the bathroom sink, which does drip, but it didn’t sound the same. Subconsciously I must have recognised that because I didn’t feel like I’d resolved the problem. A few days later I´m sitting at the computer and I hear it again, this time I don´t rest after seeing that the bathroom tap is not dripping and I go looking for the source of the sound. It turns out to be the radiator in the hall, a small, old-fashioned cast-iron thing. It’s dripping slowly so I put a bowl underneath it, tie a cloth round it to direct the small amount of water and resolve to call the landlord the following morning.

How fixing a radiator should go... if you're from the past

I realise something’s wrong in the morning when I sleepily stand in the hall and notice that my feet are wet. The leak had got bigger overnight and when I removed the cloth I saw that it was coming from a tiny hole in the middle of one of the sections. I went to find the portera and see if we could turn off the heating in our flat but she said that it would mean draining the entire system and that would cost €70 but here, she said, passing me an allen key, you can isolate it with this. As it turned out I couldn’t, it’s too old. There’s no isolator. So I fashioned a plug from some cork and duct tape and called the landlord. He said he’d get someone to phone me and arrange a time. Three days later (he travels a lot) I got back in touch with him and said that no one had called. At this point the tray I had under the radiator was filling up every eight hours (which gave me enough time to sleep at least). We finally managed to track down Ariel the plumber and arrange a visit. Ariel turned out to be an Argentine so we chatted as he removed my duct tape repairs and then stopped chatting to let him whistle through his teeth and say that the radiator was jodido (knackered / screwed in polite parlance). The portera had told me that the system was due to be drained anyway at the end of May so Ariel said he’d try and fix it temporarily and then plan to replace it then. He made the most rubbish attempt at fixing it, the paste he was using didn’t stick, then it didn’t harden, and then when it did harden it didn’t stop the water coming out. We ended up removing his repair and putting mine back. Fast forward to today, he arrives ready to remove the radiator, and then spends two hours on undoing a bolt, finally succumbing to the inevitable and wandering off, only to return with two mates to give him a hand, coincidentally, at this point I get a phone call from another plumber (probably the one we tried to get weeks ago) trying to arrange when he could come… this confused me somewhat. After removing the old radiator Ariel and chums head off to buy a new one, and come back this evening to fit it. Whereupon they realize they need another part. So at the last count it’s taken three people six hours to change a radiator. And they still have to come back in the morning to finish the job. Still, he’s a nice enough chap, I’m just glad he’s not charging me by the hour (or at all).